Friday, May 7, 2010
two roads
I need help. I have a major decision to make. There are two paths I can take. There are ups and downs on both paths, both include risks, both will be adventures. On the one side, is what I always thought I would do and studied for four years to do, what I'm comfortable with, what I know more, and more pay. On the other side is the new thing, the one I never saw coming, but it will take time and patience, its unsure, its exciting. Either path could probably make me happy, but is one going to bring me joy? Is it possible to have two paths and both could be right? Or is there really one path I am meant to take, one that is more right for me? One destined for me?
Thursday, April 29, 2010
the rush
Today, I got that golden opportunity at work. My boss entrusted me to take care of everything for about 20 minutes while she stepped out. Everything was calm, then of course 5 minutes before she was supposed to return, a series of events happened at the same time. A 3 year old got hurt, two people came in to tour the school and the phone was ringing off the hook and it wasn't working properly. I felt crazy for about 2 minutes as I quickly thought and figured out what to do. I'm not supposed to leave the front desk empty for a long time, yet there are some things I need to attend to. Everything turned out alright, my boss came in as everything was winding down. But I learned something about myself. I love the rush. That feeling when you're busy, and you're in charge. When you got a lot to take care of and all the responsibility. I love the rush, because I love the sense of accomplishment when I get it all done. I think I would enjoy being a director of a learning center. hm...
Monday, April 26, 2010
23...
I am 23 today. Happy Birthday Jazmine.
You know how people always ask you on your birthday “so how does it feel to be ___ years old?” and you always answer with a half smile “the same”, because reality is that it is the same from one day to another. It’s not like when you turn a year older, anything drastic really happens. Well, this year it does feel different for me. I’m not entirely sure why.
Maybe I feel different because I want to feel different. Because I yearn for a new chapter in my life. Maybe It’s me but I feel older. Like I actually grew up. Like I’m standing on the edge of the best years of life and I am so ready for it. I’m happy with who I am, really. I am thankful that I have had my experiences and they have shaped me to who I am. I’m not worried about my future, but I am anxious for it. I guess it’s just that when I was younger, I pictured myself in a different place in my life at 23. I pictured myself working as a teacher in a public school, serving in ministry at a church and going out with an amazing guy who is on his way to being a pastor and heading towards marriage. Every young girl’s dream right? Well one out of three is where I am at. I love my church, I love serving there. As far as the teaching thing goes, that’s just so confusing for me. I don’t think I want that anymore. Studied it for four years but now I feel like it won’t make me happy. Its very complicated, and I’m just a ball of confusion when it comes to that.
As far as going out with a future pastor, if anyone knows where he is, please let me know. I guess Erickson was right when he said that at this age I would be in the intimacy vs. isolation stage. I just feel ready to begin this next chapter in my life, which involves heading towards marriage. But how can that work out if I don’t have the guy yet? Maybe this will be the year, maybe not? I just feel very caught in the middle. Grown up, but not. You know? I hate to quote Britney spears but “Not a girl, not yet a woman”.
I guess all I need is time. Time and patience. I just want so much out of my life that I feel that I can’t wait. But I suppose one day years from today I will look back and say to myself “ it went so quickly” I just hope a smile comes to my face when I look back, and I really think it will.
Well twenty minutes left to my birthday. Happy Birthday Jazmine. First day of being 23 almost over. Had a gloomy start but the day cleared up, I guess that’s a good omen. Bring it on 23, I’m ready!
You know how people always ask you on your birthday “so how does it feel to be ___ years old?” and you always answer with a half smile “the same”, because reality is that it is the same from one day to another. It’s not like when you turn a year older, anything drastic really happens. Well, this year it does feel different for me. I’m not entirely sure why.
Maybe I feel different because I want to feel different. Because I yearn for a new chapter in my life. Maybe It’s me but I feel older. Like I actually grew up. Like I’m standing on the edge of the best years of life and I am so ready for it. I’m happy with who I am, really. I am thankful that I have had my experiences and they have shaped me to who I am. I’m not worried about my future, but I am anxious for it. I guess it’s just that when I was younger, I pictured myself in a different place in my life at 23. I pictured myself working as a teacher in a public school, serving in ministry at a church and going out with an amazing guy who is on his way to being a pastor and heading towards marriage. Every young girl’s dream right? Well one out of three is where I am at. I love my church, I love serving there. As far as the teaching thing goes, that’s just so confusing for me. I don’t think I want that anymore. Studied it for four years but now I feel like it won’t make me happy. Its very complicated, and I’m just a ball of confusion when it comes to that.
As far as going out with a future pastor, if anyone knows where he is, please let me know. I guess Erickson was right when he said that at this age I would be in the intimacy vs. isolation stage. I just feel ready to begin this next chapter in my life, which involves heading towards marriage. But how can that work out if I don’t have the guy yet? Maybe this will be the year, maybe not? I just feel very caught in the middle. Grown up, but not. You know? I hate to quote Britney spears but “Not a girl, not yet a woman”.
I guess all I need is time. Time and patience. I just want so much out of my life that I feel that I can’t wait. But I suppose one day years from today I will look back and say to myself “ it went so quickly” I just hope a smile comes to my face when I look back, and I really think it will.
Well twenty minutes left to my birthday. Happy Birthday Jazmine. First day of being 23 almost over. Had a gloomy start but the day cleared up, I guess that’s a good omen. Bring it on 23, I’m ready!
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