Thursday, April 29, 2010
the rush
Today, I got that golden opportunity at work. My boss entrusted me to take care of everything for about 20 minutes while she stepped out. Everything was calm, then of course 5 minutes before she was supposed to return, a series of events happened at the same time. A 3 year old got hurt, two people came in to tour the school and the phone was ringing off the hook and it wasn't working properly. I felt crazy for about 2 minutes as I quickly thought and figured out what to do. I'm not supposed to leave the front desk empty for a long time, yet there are some things I need to attend to. Everything turned out alright, my boss came in as everything was winding down. But I learned something about myself. I love the rush. That feeling when you're busy, and you're in charge. When you got a lot to take care of and all the responsibility. I love the rush, because I love the sense of accomplishment when I get it all done. I think I would enjoy being a director of a learning center. hm...
Monday, April 26, 2010
23...
I am 23 today. Happy Birthday Jazmine.
You know how people always ask you on your birthday “so how does it feel to be ___ years old?” and you always answer with a half smile “the same”, because reality is that it is the same from one day to another. It’s not like when you turn a year older, anything drastic really happens. Well, this year it does feel different for me. I’m not entirely sure why.
Maybe I feel different because I want to feel different. Because I yearn for a new chapter in my life. Maybe It’s me but I feel older. Like I actually grew up. Like I’m standing on the edge of the best years of life and I am so ready for it. I’m happy with who I am, really. I am thankful that I have had my experiences and they have shaped me to who I am. I’m not worried about my future, but I am anxious for it. I guess it’s just that when I was younger, I pictured myself in a different place in my life at 23. I pictured myself working as a teacher in a public school, serving in ministry at a church and going out with an amazing guy who is on his way to being a pastor and heading towards marriage. Every young girl’s dream right? Well one out of three is where I am at. I love my church, I love serving there. As far as the teaching thing goes, that’s just so confusing for me. I don’t think I want that anymore. Studied it for four years but now I feel like it won’t make me happy. Its very complicated, and I’m just a ball of confusion when it comes to that.
As far as going out with a future pastor, if anyone knows where he is, please let me know. I guess Erickson was right when he said that at this age I would be in the intimacy vs. isolation stage. I just feel ready to begin this next chapter in my life, which involves heading towards marriage. But how can that work out if I don’t have the guy yet? Maybe this will be the year, maybe not? I just feel very caught in the middle. Grown up, but not. You know? I hate to quote Britney spears but “Not a girl, not yet a woman”.
I guess all I need is time. Time and patience. I just want so much out of my life that I feel that I can’t wait. But I suppose one day years from today I will look back and say to myself “ it went so quickly” I just hope a smile comes to my face when I look back, and I really think it will.
Well twenty minutes left to my birthday. Happy Birthday Jazmine. First day of being 23 almost over. Had a gloomy start but the day cleared up, I guess that’s a good omen. Bring it on 23, I’m ready!
You know how people always ask you on your birthday “so how does it feel to be ___ years old?” and you always answer with a half smile “the same”, because reality is that it is the same from one day to another. It’s not like when you turn a year older, anything drastic really happens. Well, this year it does feel different for me. I’m not entirely sure why.
Maybe I feel different because I want to feel different. Because I yearn for a new chapter in my life. Maybe It’s me but I feel older. Like I actually grew up. Like I’m standing on the edge of the best years of life and I am so ready for it. I’m happy with who I am, really. I am thankful that I have had my experiences and they have shaped me to who I am. I’m not worried about my future, but I am anxious for it. I guess it’s just that when I was younger, I pictured myself in a different place in my life at 23. I pictured myself working as a teacher in a public school, serving in ministry at a church and going out with an amazing guy who is on his way to being a pastor and heading towards marriage. Every young girl’s dream right? Well one out of three is where I am at. I love my church, I love serving there. As far as the teaching thing goes, that’s just so confusing for me. I don’t think I want that anymore. Studied it for four years but now I feel like it won’t make me happy. Its very complicated, and I’m just a ball of confusion when it comes to that.
As far as going out with a future pastor, if anyone knows where he is, please let me know. I guess Erickson was right when he said that at this age I would be in the intimacy vs. isolation stage. I just feel ready to begin this next chapter in my life, which involves heading towards marriage. But how can that work out if I don’t have the guy yet? Maybe this will be the year, maybe not? I just feel very caught in the middle. Grown up, but not. You know? I hate to quote Britney spears but “Not a girl, not yet a woman”.
I guess all I need is time. Time and patience. I just want so much out of my life that I feel that I can’t wait. But I suppose one day years from today I will look back and say to myself “ it went so quickly” I just hope a smile comes to my face when I look back, and I really think it will.
Well twenty minutes left to my birthday. Happy Birthday Jazmine. First day of being 23 almost over. Had a gloomy start but the day cleared up, I guess that’s a good omen. Bring it on 23, I’m ready!
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